Sunday, November 09, 2008

Distressed Dad of A Dog who"s not a He, He's a She.

Hi Guys.

Guys I've got a problem , I think the Gnatak Blog should start off one of these "Agony Aunt" kind of columns (I learned this word form the New Indian Express Saturday Page) to help out people like me who have a problem.

My problem is a cell phone - My Dog wants one. My Daughter wanted one but then it was easy I didn't buy her one The School has banned cell phones and any one carrying one is punished (parents are exempted I think or may be because no one studying in std.8 is a parent, Parents are allowed phones) Then the Kerala Government put a ban on any school going student carrying phones. So my Job was easy I refused to buy my daughter a phone and she was happy. She didn't fret or nibble at people or their pockets carrying cell phones.

Now my Dog he's gone crazy the last few weeks , he desperately need a cell phone. He needs it so bad that he starts whining when ever he hears a phone ring , Jumps on people making phone calls, Sniffs out phones of people hiding phones in their pockets bags or where ever, and starts nibbling at the phone, which can cause embarrassment, especially when women keep their phones in their back pockets, or front pockets or shirt pockets.

It happened the other day I was walking the dog in the park and a woman with a phone in her back pocket walked by , the dog nibbled and I got slapped. To save my self from further embarrassment I want to buy my Dog a cell phone. Yeah I forgot to tell you I did this experiment to find out if he really needs a phone. My wife Betty held a biscuit in one hand and a phone in the other and offered both to him and he went for the phone. I starve him for a day and Wife offers him a piece of meat and the phone he still goes for the phone.

I am convinced that he really needs a phone. I don't know what model phone I should get him. I thought I'd get him one on which he can take pictures and send mails, but his vocabulary is limited to just two words "Bow" and "Wow". So I'm not sure what kind of mail he can send. I must confess That I'd been to the beach last Sunday the tourist season has started and I did use the second word of his vocabulary on and off (no I didnt get slapped , I just got stared at by my wife).

Any way guys please help me what kind of a phone should I get my dog. The problem is that, this guy, the dog isn't even a he I mean he's a she, just about passed adolescence and wants a phone. In fact he, shit not he , SHE ran away with my cell phone a few days ago luckily they didn't get married and live happily ever after. My Phone got chewed badly before that and decided against the marriage, I found him badly chewed up all broken down before things got too bad I put him all together sold him and bought a new phone.

Guys I am in a mess please help me, tell me what to do, what phone should I get my Dog?
Distressed Dad of A Dog who"s not a He, He's a She.